I Am Afraid of Not Missing You

Written by guest blogger Lena Toporikova from The Colors Magazine

Do you believe in forever friendship? Imagine it like that.
You get to meet someone, you talk for hours, you laugh, you joke, you have a good time together.

You grow closer to each other… you start trusting, you know each other’s thoughts, ideas, feelings. You share more… and you care more.

You can talk about anything and everything, you would not bother about work when that person needs you, you are there for them and they are there for you. You can cry on their shoulder when you need it. And you do cry, because sometimes you need it.

You can’t imagine your life without them… they are a big part of it like your parents, like your boyfriend or girlfriend, like your husband or wife. They are not just any friend, you consider them BEST friend.

Of course you fight, but you get over it … and it seems nothing will ever change… they’ll be there forever. And you honestly believe that forever has no end.

But you forget that life has its own rules. And whatever is forever for you is just a moment for eternity.

One day you fight, and then nothing is the same. You do your best to maintain this friendship, you forget about your ego, emotions, pride… you just keep showing them how important they really are in your life, but all in vain. They don’t say it is over… just the regularity of talks you have is different and in the whole one month after all your messages and mails you only get “thanks, I’m doing good” – reply.

Once.

First, you did miss them. And the intensity of the pain couldn’t be described… Then, the pain lessens but reaches its peak each time you don’t get a reply to another mail, another text message. And then you get used to their absence. Sadly. You miss them still… not that intense, or maybe the ego still is playing its role. But the pain is not the same anymore.

Just somehow you lose faith in forever.  Just somehow you stop believing in the term “best friend”. And somehow you just don’t want to get close to anyone anymore.

You play in your mind millions of variants of why, how, when, if.  None of them would give you the answer to your questions.  None of them will soothe your pain.  None of them will get that one person back to you.

In all of this you are not afraid of pain, not afraid of losing hope, faith, trust. All you are afraid of is that today you are still missing him… but what if tomorrow you don’t.

Relationships are worth fighting for but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. Sometimes, people need to fight for you.

And it hurts so much when they don’t…

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One Response to I Am Afraid of Not Missing You

  1. Well said Lena..as always…

    U always make me wonder and re-correct my issues and strong beleifs. And the change with clarity you bring into the persections is incredible!

    You definitely…owe Thanks from ME…as many a times…i got solution to my crazy questions without thinking or going to the consellor..perhaps I read U and I love that…and feel so Blessed to have come across to the soul stiring person!

    U r definite Angel for me 🙂
    Luv yeah..always

    ~ Keep the spark Alive..

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