CareerBuilder Can Blow Me

Just when I thought job hunting advice could not possibly become anymore ridiculous comical nonsensical bizarrely, astonishingly, breathtakingly, frelling STUPID,  CareerBuilder published an article today entitled, Is To Whom It May Concern the Kiss of Death?

LMAO.  I have to seriously wonder what kind of weed Rachel Zupek now Farrell was smoking when she wrote the piece because clearly, it wasn’t quality stuff or else she would know what any stoner, or, for that matter, what anyone who has ever had to look for a job already does.

Hey Rachel?  Listen babe,  maybe you  previously worked in an HR Department (this would explain your cluelessness); or maybe you are simply a freshly minted college grad, and, Uncle Richie knew the hiring manager at the company and, that’s how you got your first job EVAH.  But I have to tell you that dispensing the kind of idiotic guidance you did today with your bitchin’, 1980 Way Back Advice Generator Device to job seekers facing double digit national unemployment numbers was like showing up to an Obama rally dressed in your best Klan linen.  You were lucky all you received was a civilized lambasting. What you deserved was to be hanged, drawn and quartered.

If you are surprised by the thorough thrashing that was administered by the majority of comments to your article, then you really ought to rethink the whole career advice giving gig; it’s not your thing.  At all.  Seriously.  Pull your head out of your ass.  You’re embarrassing Uncle Richie.

No HR Department and/or hiring manager gives a good shit about what the salutation in a cover letter is or is not these days because for every single job that is even available, there is a herd of applicants lined up around a city block waiting for it.

An applicant can address the cover letter to Dear Ass Muncher, and, the company would never notice it because that isn’t what gets the eyeball time or even the interview.  If you had any real world job hunting experience whatsoever, (and after this particular column, I have to believe that you do not) you would know that generating an interview is approximately 50% luck with a fair smattering of equal parts buzzwords, salary history and who the applicant blows knows at the company.   If you don’t have any luck, buzzword inclusion, the proper low-balled salary or a point of contact (like say an Uncle Richie who knows the hiring manager) then yer shit outta luck, as my Gramma used to say.

They don’t want you calling for the name of the hiring manager, the HR Department contact or ANYBODY in the friggen company.  THAT’s why it wasn’t included in the ad in the first place, you silly twat.

The person who placed the ad wasn’t being cute, coy or mysterious.  They were instructed not to include anything above or beyond what they did because the company does not want job seekers to know who the hell will be looking at the thousands upon thousands of resumes from college graduates that will be submitted for the part-time job scrubbing the toilets in the head.  There aren’t enough permanent, full-time employees left to answer all the phone calls asking about the job because they’ve all been pink slipped.  If you didn’t have your head wedged quite so far up between your cheeks then you’d know all this, darlin’.

People who write advice columns for a living like Rachel Zupek probably never had to experience a serious job hunt and that’s why she pulls her recommendations out of her ass.  But I would submit to all the job counselor shitheads living in their ivory towers made of HR fluff and bullshit that before they write an article instructing others how to look for a job, that they first do it themselves following their own polished turds of advice.  Then they can report back to the rest of us with the quantified and qualified results.

Update (2013-07-25)

Well, it has only taken Ms. Zupek three (3) years to come back with what she (and her readers) evidently imagine is a witty retort – better late than never, eh Rache?

Oh and by the by, a big thanks for all the extra traffic.  You’re a peach for being so thoughtful.

zupek

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One Response to CareerBuilder Can Blow Me

  1. […] and the wizard who authorized such an exquisite demonstration of dumbassery not seen since the CareerBuilder piece I previously wrote […]

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