A relationship has the ability to be either a blessing or a curse, it all depends on the quality of character of the parties involved. No reasonable person enters into a relationship with the intention of hurting the other person, and yet it still happens anyway. Why is that? What can be done to prevent misunderstandings and hard feelings? The simple fact of the matter is that regardless of how hard you may work to avoid it, someone will always end up with bruised feelings.
I have always been under the impression (and a firm believer in) that a healthy relationship lives or dies as to whether the lines of communication are always open. After all, love is built on trust, but in order for there to be trust, honesty must exist first. But when it comes to telling the truth, honesty can sometimes be an elusive, mythical creature. Or a four letter word depending on who you ask.
Not everyone is (or wants to be) honest. This does not necessarily make them a bad person per se, but still -in my opinion- if your integrity is precarious, then this is not exactly a ringing endorsement of your emotional fitness to deserve the love, trust & fidelity of another human being.
While some may have convinced themselves that they are on the up-and-up, the reality is closer to say that their idea of honesty is only applicable as long as it doesn’t open up any inconvenient doors that will need to be qualified or explained. This is largely due to the fact that some people are deathly allergic to the self-examination process that spawns honesty. They aren’t honest with themselves, so how could they possibly be straight-up with another person?
I suppose this is a fine way to be provided that you don’t give a shit as to the quality of your relationship or feel the need to trust the person who is supposedly in love with you. But it is breathtakingly staggering to me the mental gymnastics that some will perform in order to avoid having to come clean.
I am flabbergasted and flummoxed all at the same time because no matter how simplistic the truth may seem to the one doing the asking, to the person wanting to avoid having to tell it, every question represents an exceedingly unpleasant experience. Some would say, it is a kind of badgering. But how many times have you ever -either presently or past tense- tried to have a sit-down with someone that you thought you knew intimately, with the intention of getting to the “heart” of a particular matter, only to be shot down and put off with excuse after excuse?
How many times did you hear that you just weren’t being sufficiently understanding or even listening? Well, as the old adage goes, the best defense is a good offense, so I call foul on being accused of being an asshole for not understanding or listening to the bullshit excuses some people spin and have every expectation that it turn into gold.
Some will say that love is blind, but this particular quaint saying is what I like to refer to as happy horseshit. That whole “blind” routine may be cute for about the first ten years, but if you want any kind of substantive relationship, then you’re going to have to take off the blinders at some point and man up to the fact that your beloved darling may not be quite what s/he promised.
Put simply, a little truth-in-advertising would go a long way towards having all the information needed to render the verdict as to whether maintaining the relationship is a “yea” or “nay.” And while you would like to give the other party the benefit of the doubt, sometimes this is not always possible, prudent or even healthy. Sometimes the survival (and lasting quality) of a relationship hangs in the balance on a simple admission of truth.
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