Looking For A New Printer? Don’t Buy A Canon

You may believe that you get what you pay for, therefore, if you pay a reasonable price for any given item, then you should receive a product that works reasonably.  Right?

Bzzzt!  You’re not just wrong, you’re high.  As a kite.  Come back down here with all us little people cuz you ain’t in KansASS no more, Dorothy.

I’m here to tell you how many different levels of suckitude a printer manufacturer can attain and still be in business. Let’s take Canon, for instance.

Canon is best known for cameras, and, as an owner of an entry level model (no DSLR here) I must admit that it has given me many hours of enjoyment. No complaints at all except that my photography skills progressed far too quickly for the camera to keep up with me. But as far as printers go? Canon should give it up.

There have been other brands in between, but within the past fifteen years, I’ve owned three Canon lemons printers. I think three is a good place to stop and smell the Chinese-manufactured shit.

Exhibit #1 (BJC-610)

The BJC-610 (circa 1996) was a bubblejet, which was apparently Japanese for we-take-ur-money-ha-ha-ha. It was supposed to deliver a kick-ass hard copy, particularly if you were printing an image from a camera, because -you know- Canon has such an amazing line of cameras ergo it would also have an amazing line of printers, as well.

You just keep telling yourself that, little buckaroo.

It may have been a very fine printer, but I wouldn’t know because it never worked for me for longer than the time it took to spit out a print job. You see, back in those days I was still somewhat of a n00b. I didn’t keep my computer or peripherals perpetually plugged in because (gasp!) I wasn’t using the computer 24×7.

If you had a BJC-610, then this particular habit caused quite a problem because in order for the printer to work, it required nonstop juice from the outlet.  Of course, this little detail was conspicuously absent from the 610’s literature. You didn’t find out that you were had until after you went round & round with Canon Tech Support.

I even had this one sent back to the manufacturer to fix the problem, and, suffice it to say, twelve weeks later, the problem was not only not resolved, but I also could not return it to where I purchased it from because the window to do that had passed (Thanks to having sent it to the manufacturer).

Duration of Ownership: 18 months
Price: $399.00

Exhibit #2  (Pixma MP530)

The MP530, circa 2007 was a multifunction printer.  Copy – Print – Scan – Fax.  It was simple to set up and worked great out of the box. The only thing it didn’t have have was networking capabilities, but I was happy with it as a standalone printer nonetheless.

Occasionally, it suffered from paper jams due to dust having accumulated on the shitty quality roller heads, but it functioned satisfactorily for the most part. And then one day the fax stopped working. OK, fine.  At least the other three features were still working? Negative. You see, when you buy an all-in-one, when one feature shits the bed, so goes all the rest. Boom! instant oversized paperweight.

Duration of Ownership: 25 months (If used lightly)
Price: $189.99

Exhibit #3 (Pixma MX700)

A clone of the MP530, the MX700 (circa 2008) boasted the same Canon alleged quality as the above referenced.

This model had a networking capability and the user also had the option to print from a memory stick.   When it actually sucked the paper correctly from the appropriate tray, it did print satisfactorily.  I only ever used it to print black text so cannot attest as to the quality of the image printout or lack thereof. Funny how if you only use black text, the printer still pulls ink from the color cartridges.  I suppose this is to underscore to the consumer exactly whose big dildo is being crammed relentlessly up our rectums without benefit of lube or even a kiss.  (Wouldn’t want the ink manufacturing division of Canon to not get in on the gang-bang).

The shitty quality roller heads never worked correctly from day one, and, were even more inferior than one would expect from a brand new printer. Of course, Canon emphasizes that it offers extended warranties…you know, so you can pay even more money for a piece of shit with a 24 month obsolescence period built right in.

Duration of Ownership: 25 months (If used lightly)
Price: $169.99

Summation

I wish I could say that the consumer would get more bang for the buck with another brand, but the sad reality is that all printers are simply an oversized, steaming pile that may work correctly for perhaps two years (Provided that it is gently used) before you have to send it to the scrap heap.  It’s called planned obsolescence because the emphasis is not on quality goods & services, but the accumulation of wealth by mega-corporations like Canon.

So the next time you’re in the market for a new printer, make sure you enter the store with your skivvies around your ankles and bend over. The printer industry has a throbbing surprise for your wallet.

©2011 Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.