[Originally published April 30, 2010]
5 Things I Find Irritating
5. Just because you are older than Methusalah does not entitle you to park in the crip spot without the appropriate handicap placard.
4. Just because you sit in the car while your other assclown half goes into the store does not entitle you to park in the crip spot without the appropriate handicap placard.
3. People who allow their animals (especially cats) to roam the ‘hood and then act surprised when the pet turns up “lost.”
1A. Upstairs neighbors who vacuum, wash laundry and otherwise move shit across the floor at midnight and later.
1B. Upstairs neighbors who won’t let their dogs into their bedrooms when they have overnight guests, and, the dog howls, yowls & whines all night long because of it.
5 Things That Are Positive But Happen Very Rarely
5. People who let you ahead of them online because you have less stuff to ring out than they do.
4. People who actually wait their turn while standing online in front of a deli that does not have a take-a-number system.
3. Drivers who actually let pedestrians cross the street at the OK-To-Walk sign instead of driving up your ass because they can’t wait 10 seconds.
2. Employees who work with the public such as at a supermarket who are pleasant to be around instead of surly and unhelpful such as public employees.
1. Elderly people who are polite and pleasant and don’t think the world should throw roses at their feet.