Fleebin-Flobbin

Greetings and Salutations Prattle Ppl:

So it has been about a year since I last posted to convey having removed Prattle from an increasingly totalitarian liberal loon social media platform and now it’s time for another update.

Throughout the past year, I’ve been practicing my front-end web dev endeavors and otherwise pursuing software-related minutiae but paused to include for you some software developer jargon that can just as easily crossover into the mainstream vocab of the decidedly non-developer vernacular. See how many terms you can identify and then incorporate into your daily communications.  Impress your friends and vie for that promotion today!

Deprecate

Code that is still part of the overall application and remains in place for the sake of  backwards-compatibility.  e.g. a deprecated relationship

Rubber Ducking

A method of debugging code taken from The Pragmatic Programmer (1999).  The act of carrying around a rubber duck (or some other object) and explaining your code line-by-line to it in order to understand it better.  This sometimes happens in personal relationships when one side refuses to communicate and the other has to constantly second-guess the other side’s increasingly fucked up behaviors.

Reality 101 Failure

The program, or more likely a feature of a program, does exactly what was expected but when deployed becomes annoyingly obvious that the problem was misunderstood and is basically useless.

Happy Path

A default scenario that experiences no exceptions or error conditions and leads to successful execution thereby generating a positive response.  Contrasted with an exception path that results in reality 101 failure.

Nopping

Taken from assembler language NOP  meaning no-operation. Similar to a nap but doesn’t imply sleep, just zoning out.

Copypasta

Code which contains direct or nearly direct copy-and-paste.  As in a copypasta Dear John letter.

Yoda Notation

Two parts of an expression are reversed from the typical order in a conditional statement. A Yoda condition places the constant portion of the expression on the left side of the conditional statement. The name for this programming style is derived from the Star Wars character named Yoda who speaks English with a non-standard syntax. As in,  Let the door hit you on the ass on the way out, do not.

Egosurfing

Scanning the web for one’s own name.  May be to monitor personal brand but is typically for narcissistic purposes.

Jimmy

A generalized name for a clueless n00b.

Bikeshedding

A futile investment of time and energy in a discussion of marginal technical issues such as worrying about where the bike shed will go on a property that doesn’t exist.

Unicorny

An adjective to describe a feature that’s so early in the planning stages that it might as well be imaginary.

Stress Puppy

One who requires stress in order to function well yet voices dissatisfaction with it.

Newtown, CT | Killing In the Name Of

By now, you must have heard about the latest mass shooting. Yet again, there was another mentally unstable shooter having taken the lives of innocents during yet another moment of unspeakable violence. We’ve all seen the images of the real people experiencing real anguish, and, yet, the mind fairly reels from the implications. We see, but are unable to comprehend or even process the end result. Which leads us to an inevitable conclusion –Who is to blame? Fault must be assessed and someone must pay. It’s just how the human mind works.

 The left side of the political duopoly has seized on this sad tale to assess blame on gun ownership. If only guns were illegal, then all crime would magically disappear in the U.S. This is the standard refrain from gullible Americans who have never encountered an issue that they believe could not be resolved by surrendering their civil liberties. (TSA, anyone?) Of course, such simple mindedness does not bother to look beyond the warm fuzzies they anticipate from removing firearms from the possession of law-abiding citizens.  They’re just agreeing with what the news told them to think.  In this particular instance, a gun ban is “for the children,” and that trumps everything, including common sense. 

Other countries that have gun bans are trotted out as proof that it works, but this, is, of course, not only entirely fictional, but given the evidence to the contrary that is freely available to anyone with an internet connection and a search engine, the disingenuous and overall intellectual laziness is positively stunning. Not to mention that applying mindsets from a foreign country to the U.S. is an exercise in comparing apples to Jupiter.  While we’re at it, why not just ask why the U.S. does not have universal healthcare like all the other developed nations on the planet?  The reason couldn’t be attributed to the fact that the U.S. government is firmly owned/operated of, by, for and about the 1%, could it?  This discussion, however, is best left for another time.

Contrary to popular sheeplethink, mass shootings are not exclusive to the U.S. We’re just not informed with much news from outside of the country because the plantation owners don’t want us to get any cute ideas about peacefully protesting our government in the manner hundreds of thousands of others have done elsewhere.  And so a media blackout is easily enforced since there are only six corporations that control 90% of everything Americans see, hear and read. If you see the protests from other countries, then it’s because you have Occupy-minded, activist friends, such as yours truly, who have shared the news to their social networking page.

While the mainstream media would have us swallowing the propaganda of their corporate masters, the fact is, banning guns does not work. Just ask the Germans. On four separate occasions dating from 2002 – 2009, tightening gun ownership laws has only exacerbated the problem. The Germans didn’t just opt for gun control, they took it to a level far beyond by also outlawing “violent” movies, games, and television, and, even having prohibited paintball. And yet despite the nanny law overkill, the mass shootings still happened in Erfut, Emsdetten, Stuttgart, and Ansbach, nonetheless. In the latter incident, the attacker used petrol bombs and an axe as his weapons of choice. But do Americans really need to look to the Germans as proof that prohibition not only does not address the problem, but increases it by creating black markets? Criminals are notorious for not following the law, after all. But don’t say that too loudly in front of Obama voters as the cognitive dissonance may dislodge them from their happy places.

Meanwhile, those on the right have also executed some of their own carpe diem to take this mournful occasion to push its theocratic agenda and blame mass shootings on lack of Christian prayer in public schools. This is not to say that the left doesn’t play the same agenda game –they do, and they are, they just choose to couch it in Orwellian terms that the voters won’t think too carefully about such as the National Defense Authorization Act and disposition matrix of a predator drone. It’s OK to render the rule of law to that of an authoritarian regime and kill children in other countries as long as you do so via executive order. By the way, where was Nobel Peace Prize recipient Obama’s tears for the 178 children (so far) who were killed as a result of his drone assassination program?

So what is to be done about the problem? Ban guns? Remove due process of law? Remember Jefferson’s famous quote:  Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.  What if we just emulate the Israelis and permit teachers to carry weapons? Those who wish to participate can be trained to handle firearms and we can just take it from there. The Israelis have had a fair amount of success with armed teachers having successfully fended off an attack that left one student dead and six others injured before the terrorists were shot dead by school counselors.  But you won’t see that reported on the corporately consolidated news as it would fly in the face of emotional, knee-jerk gun control laws that seek to paint anyone proficient with a weapon with the ever popular term, gun nut.

Funny how some parents will surrender their children to strangers to be educated, but refuse to even consider the idea of allowing those same strangers to protect the children. Speculation about ridiculous scenarios if teachers were armed has become  a national past-time.  While arming teachers may be common sense to some, it does not seem to compute with those content to let the media, and by extension, the politicians do their thinking for them. It apparently has not occurred to these folks that mass shooters prefer malls and schools precisely because it makes their workplace so much safer. In a gun-free zone, there won’t be any pesky, law-abiding citizens that will shoot back. But in states where civilians have returned fire at the bad guy, there has been some moderate success. We just don’t ever hear about it because it would contradict the propaganda.

Maybe we can blame the problem on the lack of access to affordable mental health care. Strangely, the price tag for treatment is a topic that the Affordable Care Act does absolutely nothing to mitigate. At this point, we don’t know much about the shooter or his family.  But surely, we can state with confidence that anyone who would gun down kindergartners has a few loose screws and needs help.  Except that money for mental health treatment at the state level has been routinely slashed since the 1980s and yet the need for services continues to explode exponentially.  Perhaps Mrs. Lanza had sought help for her son long before he went off the deep end only to be turned away by social services because there are very few programs in place for poor whites.  Perhaps not.  We don’t know because the mainstream media has choosen not to investigate the whys behind this event.  Instead, it focuses on sensationalism. 

What the media should be reporting is that even if you are sufficiently privileged to have health insurance in the U.S., and, have the financial perseverance to navigate the labyrinthine maze of managed care, the fact remains, the mental health care professional who ends up treating you will inevitably want to keep his Big Pharma-financed junkets coming, so at the behest of his pharmaceutical representative, he will ensure prescribing for you the latest psychotropic pills, which are well documented to cause homocidal/suicidal rages. The Columbine shooters were on such pills.  It seems talk therapy isn’t so much a part of treatment anymore as much as popping pills has become standard operating procedure.

Perhaps a frank, national conversation should be opened that discusses the underlying societal problems that would cause individuals to become troubled in the first place. We can start with the fact that while Wall Street has been enjoying record profits since the latest economic depression began in 2007, Main Street has been absolutely decimated by homelessness due to foreclosure, and, acute financial distress caused by oppressive, non-dischargeable student loan debt, under and unemployment.

Americans are struggling financially and this is adversely affecting every facet of their lives, including the ability to parent effectively. Meanwhile, companies continue to outsource American jobs, and those that can’t be off-shored, guest workers, both legal and illegal, are brought in en masse in order to drive down wages and keep hard-working Americans demoralized and destitute. That wouldn’t cause a person to pick up a rifle and randomly open fire would it?

©2012 Peyton Farquhar and Prattle On, Boyo™.  Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar and Prattle On, Boyo with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Letting Go of Letting Go

You’ve long since kicked your significant other to the curb, and, almost to your surprise, you’ve hooked up with another sweetie who more than makes up for all the past grief.  But the memories of the drama from the previous relationship not only remain, but are also beginning to subtly creep into your new relationship.

How and why has this happened?

Some would refer to what I’m talking about as “baggage,” and, I think that is an apt description.  We have all experienced it in one form or another.  It is a kind of emotional post-traumatic stress disorder.  But wait a sec.  You may be telling yourself that you should be over it, and, your new honey should make you forget about it.  But this is not necessarily the way you will progress.  After all, and let’s face it, every relationship you’ve ever had is an exercise in personal growth.  If it hasn’t been, then you’re doing something wrong. Mileage can and does vary from person-to-person, but letting go of the past can be difficult, especially if a relationship was problematic.

Now I’m not a shrink, although I sometimes cover like-material on this site, but regardless of how extraordinary your new love may be, there is no getting around the fact that no two affairs of the heart are ever the same.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that you love your new beau any less, or that s/he is any less significant to you.  It simply means that your needs & wants may have undergone a recalibration since the last time you were romantically involved.

In a previous relationship, you may have thought that if you acted in a certain manner that it would be enough to make love last.  And while you probably didn’t seek to change the other person, you would be a liar if you said that you didn’t want your time & effort to be reciprocated.  The bottom line is that people affect each other differently.  Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.  It all depends on the individual’s tendency to absorb the lesson. (Hey, we all have our own, personal learning curves.)

In a new relationship, you will most likely still wrestle from time-to-time to unlearn unhealthy past behaviors and otherwise endeavor to deactivate the “hot buttons” an ex installed.  Eventually it will get better over time if you work at it. Additionally, being involved with someone who is vested in the relationship and doesn’t have issues expressing love, support & encouragement will certainly go a long way.  But you should also realize that no matter how amazing this new relationship may be, it will never be identical to a previous one, nor should it be.

I’m not saying that your passion is any less, or that your connection is anything short of exceptional–nay–what I am saying is that given your experiences, expectations & behaviors have probably been adjusted & amended accordingly.  If you’re coming out of a negative relationship (and isn’t that the whole reason why you’re reading this article), then you already implicitly know that the dynamics are very different with a new person.  And if you don’t know or haven’t noticed, then maybe you’re just unconsciously repeating the same fact patterns of the old relationship.  If that is the case, then you’re in for another negative experience, in my opinion. Whatever you do, don’t walk down the aisle or become co-tenants on the same mortgage because that is a recipe for disaster. (Don’t laugh some people are actually foolish enough to do both.)

Regardless of what the situation may be, the fact remains that as long as you continue to involve yourself with the same kind of personality and repeat the same patterns, time after time, you will probably never break the chain of dysfunction. Maybe you’re OK with that because you don’t want the relationship as much as you want the lifestyle that combining incomes will afford. But if you’re not (and I hope that is the case) then you would do well, as you go along,  to strive to acknowledge and accept that stumbling over all the same obstacles erected by former romantic alliances is a part of the human experience.  And as long as you recognize that these psychological speed bumps exist, simple awareness can go a long way to help neutralize the harmful effects of emotional baggage on a fresh relationship.

©2009-2011 Peyton Farquhar and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Extreme Couponing: Thrifty or Mentally Ill?

The Freak Show Network’s latest foray into reality TV is about shopaholics -mostly women- that collect enough coupons to buy bulk quantities of food at the supermarket for deeply discounted prices. Now, on the surface, this may sound appealing.  Admittedly, it is pretty cool to rack up a thousand dollar food bill and be able to take it all home for under $100 bucks.

Upon further consideration, I have to say that for anyone who wants extreme couponing to be worth his while, it would be appealing provided that the food was nutritional and worth the time & effort of collecting enough coupons to make it happen.  But the thing is, that is not the case at all. In fact, if you watch the show, then you know that the kind of food these women are bringing home to their families consists exclusively of processed junk food.

Potato chips, sugary cereals & carbonated beverages, flavored water, cookies, candy, cheese spread & frozen dinners equals a nutritious meal only if  you want to be a circus sideshow featured on fattertainment TV.  Hello? Where is the fresh produce?  I don’t see anyone buying anything except foodstuffs with enough fat, sodium & high fructose corn syrup to kill a brontosaurus with heart disease & diabetes several times over. No wonder this country has an obesity epidemic! All the time in the world spent at the gym isn’t going to make up for the fact that you’re experiencing a slow death by eating fast food.

Making off with a thousand dollars worth of groceries may seem like you’re getting something for nothing, but not if the food you’re bringing home is devoid of nutrition! But let’s address the reality of the situation here.  Notwithstanding the prospect that eating a junk food diet is the quickest path to having a physique like this, the fact is, all that extreme couponing and subsequent scrambling around to make room for all the shit you bring home afterwards is indicative of mental illness.

Oh yes! Make no mistake. The women and their families featured on the show are not only obese & unemployed, but they’re also mentally ill.  Let me count the pathologies for you:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

By their own admission, the women spend ungodly amounts of time hunting down and printing coupons from the web.  In fact, if all the money spent on buying newspapers for the necessary coupons and ink to print them out from the Internet were factored in, I strongly suspect that the alleged great savings from couponing would not be so great.

Delusions of Grandeur & Addiction

Many of the women refer to themselves as “divas” and otherwise freely admit to a “rush” of adrenaline each time they make off with thousands of dollars worth of groceries. Now I’m not a shrink, but any time you start thinking of yourself in terms of deification, or you get a “rush” from some activity (not associated with physical exercise) then it’s a pretty safe bet you’re experiencing an unhealthy addiction.

Hoarding

In case after case, a significant amount of time is spent making room for and constructing shelves in the home for the multiple jars of condiments, boxes of cereal, sports drinks and other foodstuffs.  Now lest you think I’m being too harsh, let’s consider for a moment something overlooked on the show.  Let me ask you –When the HELL was the last time you ate 35 jars of mustard? Or 85 boxes of cereal? Or drank 75 cases of soda?

Anyone? Anyone at all?

The bottom line is that unless you’re donating the crap you know you won’t use to a soup kitchen or some other charity to help stock the increasingly stressed food pantries in this country due to the Second Great Depression, you don’t need to turn your living space into a general store and otherwise be storing 85 boxes of cereal or any other processed shit in bulk quantity that you won’t be eating in this lifetime or any other. Your time would be better spent on other endeavors besides the idiotic stockpiling of unhealthy foods and extreme hoarding.

©2009-2011 Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Opinion|Your Business, Someone Else’s Nose

Some will tell you that sticking your nose into others business is not only appropriate, but even a “duty” under certain circumstances, such as in cases of domestic or child abuse.  I would tend to agree with that sentiment with amendments, but injecting your opinions into someone else’s life because you feel entitled to do so is another story.

Now, to be clear here, the entitled folks don’t actually see it this way. I only used the word to be diplomatic, but hey, this is my blog and I usually call it the way I see it. And since I know you didn’t visit this space looking for a bland, generic, opinion, I’m going to tell you exactly what I think about nosy parkers.

This brand of personality honestly believe that their interference is not only the right thing to do, but is also helpful, as in some kind of service. I further believe that the prevalence of social networking websites enable this kind of attitude in a big way, particularly from the older generation. After all,  since the self-appointed wise one has been around the block a few thousand times, what harm is there in imparting some knowledge amongst the little (less entitled) people. The problem with this mentality is that most people not only resent unsolicited advice, but quite often turn around and do the exact opposite just to prove how wrong the blowhard advice giver is.

Now I know what you’re going to say-

…but PF, why wouldn’t golden nuggets of wisdumb be valuable?  How could anyone not want to be told that his decision making ability is for shit?  Doesn’t everyone dream of having his own personal life coach that not only works for free, but also has a scathing opinion regarding every single aspect of his existence?

Or so goes the prevailing theories of the questionably benevolent buttinsky. (“QB2”) for future reference.

Psychiatry tells us that the nosy are just narcissistic, but this seems like a justification more than anything else. As if these folks with the big noses are suffering from a terrible affliction over which they have no control. But random acts of intrusive assholery are quite preventable, I assure you.

The next time you find yourself the unwilling recipient of someone else’s hot air monologue, or, conversely, if you ever feel the need to pass along spontaneous recommendations of a personal nature to a friend,  just follow this simple, mneumonic, 5-step formula that is practically guaranteed to work.

NUNYA Explained

Never

Underscore

Nuggets

You

Asshole

If you need to be a little less subtle about your intentions to your busybody pal, then you can always send him or her this link.

©2011 Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Is It Love or Limerence?

At the risk of turning this space temporarily into a women’s magazine, I decided to write about the concept of love versus liminerence. What is limerence you may ask?

Limerence, not to be confused with limine, is a term coined by American psychologist, Dorothy Tennov, in her 1979 book, Love and Limerence – the Experience of Being in Love. And yes, before you ask, yours truly has, in fact read it, for a college Psych class.  You didn’t think I’d pull a word like “limerence” out of my ass, did you?

Basically, limerence describes the emotional state that one feels involuntarily when attached to or obsessed with another person.  It can be a sexual relationship, but primarily, the condition is characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings from the L.O., or limerent object.

Limerence should not be confused for a crush, puppy love or infatuation as it goes much deeper than physical attraction. It basically involves intrusive thinking of and extreme sensitivity towards the L.O.

Uh, I think you’re talking about codependency, PF.

Hold up.  Not necessarily.  Codependency can last years and involves an excessive caretaking manner to the extent where it negatively impacts other relationships and quality of life.  Limerence is usually a temporary deal.  Although reciprocity from the L.O. can make limerence that much more intense, it is not necessary as the quality of being limerent enables the individual to see qualities in the L.O. that may not exist.  Turns out unrequited love is a tremendous turn on for those in limerence. In codependents, not so much.

At its fundamental core, limerence is an addictive type of behavior that is often misunderstood and/or dismissed by those who have never experienced it. It is usually written off as a ridiculous fantasy as in the kind found in romance novels.

But how do you know if you are one or the other or just out of your farcking mind?

If you conduct a little recon on the web, you will find a lot of articles written about the topic, but this is a quick test you can run through to give you an idea as to your condition.

Please Note >> Like everything else in life, your mileage may vary (YMMV). The test referenced above is more opinion based than scientific. I shouldn’t have to remind you to not to base your existing relationship upon either my thoughts or the links I cited in this piece, but, nonetheless, I wanted to include a disclaimer just in case you’re the type of person who believes everything s/he reads on the web!

In the meantime, I’m going to go enjoy some limerence music. Rod Stewart knew a thing or two about it 1984.

By the way, Tennov’s book is still in print if you’re interested in reading more about the subject matter.

Happy limerencing!

[PLEASE NOTE that the link to the test referenced above has changed from the date this story was published.  Contact the owner of that site for more information.  -PF  2/27/2012]

©2011 Peyton Farquhar and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Prattle Encore | Why You Gotta Be Like That?

The following is a previously published article from May 5, 2010.

I was all set to write a piece on privacy, but it can wait.  Instead, I’m going to vent a little about toxic people.  Sound good?  Great!

In everyone’s life, there are SOPs –sources of pain.  This is my diplomatic term for those individuals who, for whatever fcuked up reason, no matter how nice you are, no matter how hard you go balls to the wall for them, it’s just never acceptable or enough.

They have two moods:  sullen & surly, so don’t even think about using humor to ingratiate yourself into their good charms OR appealing to the better side of their nature.  These people tend to take way more than they will ever give and justify it by telling themselves (and you) that they are having a bad day, etc.   It is never their own fault that they act like a shitheel, you see.  SOPs believe their toxicity is caused by other people and situations, so hey, abracadabra! They’re not to blame.

SOPs can be pretty much anyone – co-workers, classmates, neighbors, friends, lovers, spouses, relatives and other.  These folks weren’t always difficult, but at some point, they became bitter and/or unhappy with some aspect of their lives, and, instead of dealing with it and resolving the problem, seek instead to find someone else to take it out on. Essentially, they’re not in control of their lives, and, have no interest in rectifying that issue, so being a source of pain is what they’ve settled for.

Naturally, SOPs are never shitty to other SOPs because another SOP wouldn’t put up with it.  So the SOP finds and/or comes into contact with the one person in their life who is kind & courteous. Maybe that person is just a nice guy or gal.  Or maybe, they happen to have feelings for the SOP.  Or maybe they’re related to the SOP.  The scenarios are infinite.  The bottom line is that the person simply wants to get along for the sake of getting along. And  SOPs resent that person for being pleasant; Misery loves company, after all, so a positive person is a diametrically opposed personality to the SOP.

Note here that when I say get along for the sake of it, I’m not referring to a doormat.  You’re not a doormat simply because you realize that being an asshole 365x24x7 is mentally taxing.  Not to mention, it practically guarantees enough bad karma that not only will you be reincarnated as a hissing cockroach, but will be squashed and/or eaten by something larger at the exact moment you realize that if you wouldn’t have been such a bag of douche, you probably would have had a better chance of returning as something a lot less loathsome.

Since SOPs tend to almost always be passive aggressive, you can expect to encounter obstinacy every step of the way with these people.  And while numerous business management and/or psych books have been written on the topic of identifying and dealing with them (and I’ve both read my fair share as well as have dealt with and continue to deal with SOPs) I’ll save you some money and time by ID’ing a few choice behaviors as exhibited by them.

Won’t return a phone call, email or a text message

Completes tasks grudgingly, late, and incorrectly

Feigns loss of memory or provides some other lame ass excuse as to why a deadline and/or task was not completed on time if at all.

When doing something nice for the SOP, non-dysfunctional people usually only expect kind words in return.  But not only does the SOP not bother to even mumble a half-assed “thank you,”  they don’t even notice that you’ve done anything for them in the first place.  The attitude of the SOP is that since s/he did not ask you for whatever nice thing it is you did, you are therefore, not entitled to anything. Not kind words.  Not courtesy.  And certainly not respect.

The non-dysfunctional person typically ends up feeling like an idiot who keeps issuing free passes to the SOP  in an attempt to demonstrate patience & understanding.  He or she keeps waiting for the day when the ingrate will  extend a modicum of  common fcuking courtesy, or some other acknowledgment (either tangible or intangible) because that’s what would inspire confidence in the SOP and/or satisfaction with the relationship.  But of course, that day never comes.  SOPs withhold indefinitely whatever it is the non-dysfunctional person desperately wants because that is passive aggressive behavior at its fundamental core.

The longer non-dysfunctional people are exposed to SOPs, the worse the situation becomes.  And if you’re not careful, you could end up an SOP in your own right.  What you have to realize is that you will never change these people because they are the only ones who have control over their own behavior.  Furthermore, they’re not going to change because of you or because you’d like them to.  They have to want it for themselves period.

If you happen to be in a relationship with or related to an SOP, that makes the situation a little on the prickly side, but you’re going to have to limit your exposure if you want to keep your peace of mind. Sure, you could try sitting them down to have the conversation, but seriously, if you’ve read this far, then chances are, you’ve already gone down that road and reached the cul-de-sac many times.  At some point you have to know when to say when and cut your losses.

Maybe the SOP will realize on his or her own that you’re not as available as you once were.  And then again, maybe they won’t.  In which case, it’s not your problem.  Because if the SOP does not see the value in keeping you around, then there is nothing you can say that will persuade them to the contrary.  They are simply not worth wasting anymore of your time with.

Life is too damn short to spin your wheels on a sheet of ice with an SOP who neither appreciates nor values you.  It may sound harsh, but you’re not doing some noble deed torturing yourself  with an SOPs boorish behavior.  There isn’t some great reward waiting for you, so it’s best to either restrict the SOPs access to you and/or just cut it off clean. Game over.

What do you think? Feel free to share your own anecdotal evidence of an SOP in your life or on the way out.

©2010 Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

How to Remain Motivated & Postive

Subtitled:  Your Session is Stale. Please Refresh.

When I figure out a way that doesn’t involve the use of Schedule I narcotics, I’ll let you know.

I jest.

Really.

The hardest chemicals I ingest are vitamins/supplements and caffeine.  But back to our topic.

Depending on who you ask, a motivated and positive outlook can be achieved by cranking up your favorite tunes to counting your blessings.  The former I find detrimental (unless you want to be deaf) and the latter is simply cheesy.

The reality is that one person’s motivational tools may be lame and just plain unworkable to someone else.  And you could read self-help books on the matter til you go blind or shit, but in the end, it all comes down to you.

What will work for you long term is the key, but arriving at that point will require a certain degree of initiative and effort on your part.  You’re going to have to look deep within yourself and determine what really does or does not do it for you.  And if you are able to achieve that much, then realize that sometimes, what works during one particular instance may not work during another.

Case in point:  Well over a decade ago a car accident smashed my tibia and took away my life for two years because that’s how long it took me to undergo the surgeries and physical therapy.  And a dozen years later almost to the date of the previous event, an SUV mowed me down at a red light crossing the street and broke the other leg.

I wasn’t very positive during either event, but I was, however, exceptionally motivated. I realized early on that if I didn’t have this going for me, then the alternative was not being able to walk again. This was motivation at gun point, but it still worked in spades, nonetheless.

But personally, I find that it is easier to rehab a shattered bone than it is to maintain a positive outlook, particularly when it seems like nothing substantive ever comes from walking off prolonged adversity with just a smile.

When the black, poison cloud stays permanently stationed directly overhead, what do you do–

Exercise? (Endorphins and adrenaline are two of my favorite chemicals, I must admit. But the buzz doesn’t last very long.)

Escape into a book? (Works nicely but again, longevity is a problem.)

Fall in love? (Please. Let’s come back to reality, shall we– No one wants to know you when you’re down & out.)

Listen to music? (Stay away from Pink Floyd and The Cure and you’ll probably be OK.)

Lose yourself by having sex? (Not likely. You’ll be lucky if you can persuade your own hand to participate if you’re in a black mood.)

Kill someone?  (You could exercise this option, but then you run into the age-old problem of where to hide the bodies and not everyone wants to help.)

I suppose that the argument can be made that if you didn’t think so hard about it in the first place then there wouldn’t be a problem. So to all those readers in the ignorance-is-bliss camp, congratulations are in order. You’ve figured out what works for you. (Or have you?)

But this particular mindset does not do a damn thing for me.

I think maybe the secret to staying positive is to avoid negative people and events and just fake it til you make it, but then again, this sounds suspiciously to me like willful blissful ignorance.

So I am putting the question to the readers to ask them to share with the rest of us what works for you?

And if not, then you can go fuck yourself.

Sideways.

With a chainsaw.

Twice.

Just kidding.

©2010 Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Policy of Truth

A relationship has the ability to be either a blessing or a curse, it all depends on the quality of character of the parties involved.  No reasonable person enters into a relationship with the intention of hurting the other person, and yet it still happens anyway.  Why is that?  What can be done to prevent misunderstandings and hard feelings? The simple fact of the matter is that regardless of how hard you may work to avoid it, someone will always end up with bruised feelings.

I have always been under the impression (and a firm believer in) that a healthy relationship lives or dies as to whether the lines of communication are always open.  After all, love is built on trust, but in order for there to be trust, honesty must exist first.  But when it comes to telling the truth, honesty can sometimes be an elusive, mythical creature.  Or a four letter word depending on who you ask.

Not everyone is (or wants to be) honest.  This does not necessarily make them a bad person per se, but still -in my opinion- if your integrity is precarious, then this is not exactly a ringing endorsement of your emotional fitness to deserve the love, trust & fidelity of another human being.

While some may have convinced themselves that they are on the up-and-up, the reality is closer to say that their idea of honesty is only applicable as long as it doesn’t open up any inconvenient doors that will need to be qualified or explained. This is largely due to the fact that some people are deathly allergic to the self-examination process that spawns honesty.  They aren’t honest with themselves, so how could they possibly be straight-up with another person?

I suppose this is a fine way to be provided that you don’t give a shit as to the quality of your relationship or feel the need to trust the person who is supposedly in love with you.  But it is breathtakingly staggering to me the mental gymnastics that some will perform in order to avoid having to come clean.

I am flabbergasted and flummoxed all at the same time because no matter how simplistic the truth may seem to the one doing the asking, to the person wanting to avoid having to tell it, every question represents an exceedingly unpleasant experience.  Some would say,  it is a kind of badgering.  But how many times have you ever -either presently or past tense- tried to have a sit-down with someone that you thought you knew intimately, with the intention of getting to the “heart” of a particular matter, only to be shot down and put off with excuse after excuse?

How many times did you hear that you just weren’t being sufficiently understanding or even listening? Well, as the old adage goes, the best defense is a good offense, so I call foul on being accused of being an asshole for not understanding or listening to the bullshit excuses some people spin and have every expectation that it turn into gold.

Some will say that love is blind, but this particular quaint saying is what I like to refer to as happy horseshit.  That whole “blind” routine may be cute for about the first ten years, but if you want any kind of substantive relationship, then you’re going to have to take off the blinders at some point and man up to the fact that your beloved darling may not be quite what s/he promised.

Put simply, a little truth-in-advertising would go a long way towards having all the information needed to render the verdict as to whether maintaining the relationship is a “yea” or “nay.”  And while you would like to give the other party the benefit of the doubt, sometimes this is not always possible, prudent or even healthy.  Sometimes the survival (and lasting quality) of a relationship hangs in the balance on a simple admission of truth.

©2010 Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Pulling Taffy

A famous coach once said that it’s easier to find and complain about negatives moreso than it is to just STFU and accentuate the positives.  But I submit to you that that particular person has never had to look for full-time permanent employment with double digit national & state unemployment statistics.  So hey coach?  Take your two cents worth of happy horseshit and cram it. Because while being positive is the mantra of motivational speaker shitheads & other miscellaneous snake oil peddlers, those of us who live in the real world know that being positive only gets you so far. It’s about never what you know, as much as it is who you blow.

De-Friended on Facebook

I created a Facebook profile for both myself, as well as Prattle within the past year.  Since then, I’ve acquired a good amount of friends, most of whom are people I know offline, as well as various other entities and organizations whose activities I would like to stay informed of.

Sure, I could probably read all the latest news from these groups simply by subscribing with an RSS feeder, but what fun is that.  I wouldn’t be able to piss off someone sufficient to de-friend me.  It’s a two-fer that I’m not willing to give up.  I’m only half kidding about that.

I am amused by the drama that goes on with de-friending, particularly among small communities whose adult members still think & act like pre-teens.  The best way to get under someone’s skin seems to be to block them on Facebook, and, then talk shit about the former friend with all the other friends.  Hilarious, but didn’t we see this once before, like say, back in grade school.

Don’t people ever act their chronological age instead of their shoe size?

Nevermind.  Don’t answer that.

Yours truly has been de-friended exactly twice, both by blogger buds.   I didn’t know them offline, but I followed them just like I follow several other buddy sites for both encouragement as well as entertainment.

What was my crime?  I provided feedback to content they had written.  Note here that it was constructive feedback.  Not a critique just to be mean.  There is a difference.

OTOH, I’ve also done a fair amount of de-friending, but the decision was less about disagreeable commentary, and, everything to do with the person’s idea of friendly interaction on my wall consisted exclusively of Farmville & Mafia Wars requests.

Don’t get me wrong – I play Farmville.  I play it a lot.  But it’s not an exclusive source of entertainment.   I’m more about reading & posting info that intellectually engaged individuals would find helpful, such as being Zuckerfucked.  But if any of those former acquaintances noticed that they were de-friended, then I was not notified.

I don’t give too much of a shit one way or the other because Facebook is about as important to me as athlete’s foot or STDs when considering the larger schema of my life.  I use it primarily as a promotional device for my blog, but since my page rank is #3 according to Google, it’s not even really all that useful anymore.

If you’ve ever been a de-friender and/or the de-friendee, then share your story here.

What Is Love

(click for video)

The concept of love has a great many different connotations to a great many different people. To some, it may simply be a feeling of companionship. For others, it may mean the comfort of knowing that someone else has your back. For still others, it may be an all-inclusive, comprehensive, panoptic tsunami of emotional, psychological & sexual energy.

Regardless of what your definition may or may not be, let me ask the sixty-four thousand dollar question. How do you know when you’re in love?  I don’t mean the flood of oxytocin created by hormones as a direct result of stimulation of a body part.  I mean genuine romantic love, as in the kind that makes you do or say things that, generally speaking, you would not. Or is this just co-dependent insanity that I’m describing? Feel free to jump in here at any time.

Seems to me, the real deal is all of the above. If you happen to find someone who has the ability to make you burn with desire, laugh, cry, sigh, and, otherwise want to thump the crap out of all at the same time, then barring a history of mental illness, it’s probably safe to say that you’ve found someone very special.  Hopefully, someone that you won’t have to get a court ordered restraining order against.

On the other hand, if you haven’t yet found your true, fine love then don’t despair.  Medical science tells us that the warm fuzzies you experience when someone significant is nearby can be just as easily duplicated by consuming large quantities of chocolate.

Please note:  If after reading this entry, you run out and buy a pallet of chocolates in a desperate attempt to feel the warm fuzzies, then I’d appreciate it if you sent me some of it.  I prefer Toblerone, but will accept Hershey’s with almonds with equal enthusiasm.

©2010 Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.